I quit making resolutions years ago but instead have moved to choosing one word. Just a single word to focus on and work towards. There has been the year of DETERMINED, the year of GRACE, the year of SERVE and then it came time to pick a word for this year. Even with just one word, I found myself in a struggle to sum up my feelings about and needs for 2018.
What word could encapsulate all I need God to teach and grow me in this year? I kept thinking how 2017 was just too much. It was too much on the calendar. Too much stuff as evidenced by a house busting at the seams with clutter. Too much go, go, going. But it was also not sufficient either. There wasn’t enough time to do all the things I had planned to do last year. Not enough memories made with my people because work and life just moved at a neck breaking speed. It was loud and noisy most of the time, there weren’t very many moments of silence. We were plugged in more than we should’ve been and there wasn’t any whitespace.
I said too many yeses.
I gave too much in some ways.
I felt like I didn’t give like I should’ve in others.
I was tired. Dizzy. Discombobulated.
There is a Proverb that talks about these extremes. It says, “Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.” (Proverbs 30:8-9)
It’s talking about money, but its application runs much broader and deeper. When we are dealing with having too much: too much on our calendars, in our headspace, with our commitments and obligations, we start to disown God. We start to say “Who is the Lord?” because we don’t have time to find out, we forget that He is our sustainer of all our yeses and calendar and to do lists. We quit consulting Him and we trick ourselves into believing that we are the creator and maintainer of our world. It all relies on me. I am the master juggler and it is all my duty to keep all the balls in the air. But inevitably, they all come tumbling down and we learn the truth. Often times at the expense of our pride and our health.
This year, I needed a word that dealt with both extremes because I am an extreme kind of girl. I’m all or nothing. 150 miles at hour or a screeching halt. There isn’t much in between with this one.
I need to know that right now, as I am, it.is.enough. I need to be able to say to others, “hey, here is what I have to offer right now.” And let it be enough. I need to turn my eyes from always wanting more and more and let what I have be enough. I need to let Jesus be the source of my emotional state and for that to be enough. I need to be able to say no sometimes, without explanation and that be enough. I need to say “that’s a great idea! I’ll pray for and support you in the pursuit of that.” Without putting my hands on anything and let that be enough. I need to focus my energies and my talents on the things that set a fire to my soul and let that be enough. I need to be able to say “I want to spend time with you friend in my messy house without a spread of Pinterest worthy snacks.” And that be enough. That is what the year of enough must be.
“My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So then, I will boast most gladly about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may reside in me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
His grace is it. It’s enough. It fills in all my gaps. He gives just what I need to do just what He has. All the time I need. All the resources I need. Everything. He gives just enough.
And God is able to make all grace overflow to you so that because you have enough of everything in every way at all times, you will overflow in every good work. (2 Corinthians 9:8)
I wonder if you’re searching for a word this year. If you’re tired of resolving and failing, resolving and failing. Maybe this is your year for just what you need, no more, no less.
Here’s to the year of enough!
Instructional Technology Coordinator for Commerce ISD. Just a teacher looking for a classroom to make a difference! Not only sharing EdTech tools, but sharing my thoughts, feelings and the great things happening in Commerce ISD.
DISCLAIMERThe opinions expressed in the posts on the Getting Techy with Kilgore Blog are solely those of Heather Kilgore and do not reflect the opinions of her employers.